Why I “Serve” My Husband

After a somewhat controversial comment I posted in an online stay-at-home mom group I am a part of…

I decided to write a post on why I “serve” my husband.

This is probably my first controversial blog post, but here we go:

One mom decided to write the group and ask what she should do about her husband who was distant, grumpy, not helping around the house, or with the kids anymore. The moms in the group immediately went into attack mode and started tearing the husband to shreds. They were anything but helpful to the mom who was looking for advice.

I didn’t want to degrade her husband (a guy I didn’t even know) so I said something along the lines of…

“You need to talk to him and be honest with how you are feeling. Not with these ladies who don’t even know the guy. It does sound like he should help out more, but maybe he wants you to serve him more and focus on his needs a little more.”

Queue the hate comments…

Now, I understand that I don’t know what is going on with this woman’s husband or why he was acting the way he was acting. I just wanted to give her a different perspective from all the hate comments she was receiving towards her husband.

I believe husbands inevitably get put on the back burner, especially when you have kids. 

There are many seasons in life when spouses get put on the back burner due to life situations. That is just life and kids are one of those life situations.

Babies and young children are very needy and require 100% of your attention, time, and body. Here is a secret: husbands are also needy. They also need their wives attention, time, and body.

Women are the same way even though society wants you to believe that we are self-sufficient and don’t need help or anyone, especially not from a man. Here is my second secret: we do! We need their attention, time, body, comfort, and the list goes on-and-on in my case…

“Serving” one another does not mean you are weak or less in any way. If anything, I think “serving” your spouse shows strength.

Don’t get me wrong…

I know that women are strong!  Becoming a mom has shown me just how strong women are!

I especially admire single moms and army moms because they are the definition of what it is to be self-sufficient. But do you think those moms wouldn’t prefer the consistent and daily qualities that only a husband can provide?

*I reached out to a friend who is an army wife and she gave me the ok to say this and said it was accurate in her case*

The women in the Facebook group were so fixated on my use of the word serve. Acting like I was a crazy housewife from the 50s and I shouldn’t be “serving” anyone. But you see…

I serve my husband because I also want to be served.

I would like my husband to take out the trash, make my coffee in the morning, handle our finances, etc…

He would like for me to cook his meals, make his coffee in the morning, wash the clothes, etc …

I don’t have to cook for my husband just like doesn’t have to take out the trash.

I am completely capable of doing these tasks on my own, and I do just as he does..

But in the areas that I don’t like or enjoy doing something, he “serves” me by doing it.

I use the word “serve” because these actions are all acts of service that are done out of love for the other person.

Marriage is full of giving and taking. 

I can’t expect my husband to do things for me without ever doing anything for him. I wouldn’t want to be the only one giving and receiving nothing in return. If so, that wouldn’t be called a marriage.

I think one of the (many) reasons the divorce rate is so high is because we stopped “serving” one another.

We became more selfish, thinking only in our personal needs and wants and not in that of our spouses.

Wives, I encourage you to “serve” your husband on a daily basis in small and in big ways. 

These little or big acts of “service” really add up and make a difference in your marriage.

You might hate me for saying this but if your husband isn’t very serving, swallow your pride and keep serving him. One day he will get it and serve you in return. I know from experience.

And to all my mom readers, try to schedule time away with your husband, or intentionally focus on him and put his needs over the kids for as long as you can. They can watch a little T.V. I promise it wont kill them and your marriage will be better for it! You can check out my other post for tips Date Night Tips for Parents

serving wives




  1. Natalie Lang | 18th Oct 17

    Wow, that was very well written. You nailed it about how we should serve our husbands but also how we should serve each other. Husbands sadly do get put on the back burner not because we mean too but because as a mom of little ones they tend to take all our energy and we think as an adult the men can handle doing things on their own. Eventually, their love tank does get low. I have learned that by serving my husband even in small ways they do matter and your husband will appreciate it and who know’s you might even catch him being more helpful with the kids without being asked. I know some might get offended but it even says in the Bible that we are to be their helpmate. There is nothing wrong with it. We should be proud of it.

  2. Kara Simone | 18th Oct 17

    Great post! I like the wording you used, marriage should be give and take. I definitely share your sentiments.

    • Simply My Bella Vida | 18th Oct 17

      Thank you, Kara! I agree that it is give and take. But if one is only taking-keep giving!

  3. Claudia Estrada | 18th Oct 17

    I love this Christie! As a Christian woman I hate how much HATE the word serve has gottten. It doesnt mean to be a servant it means that out of the goodness in your heart you have decided to be there for the one you love. As much as I serve my husband he serves me too if not even more!

    • Simply My Bella Vida | 18th Oct 17

      Yes! I completely agree with what you said! Serving one another should be a daily practice that is done out of love and not self-gain.

  4. Virjinia Harp | 18th Oct 17

    Yes, yes, YES! I truly couldn’t agree more. When I was single, I HATED when people would quote the bible and tell me how wife should serve their husbands. It wasn’t until I got married and truly understand what they meant. I do thinks for him out of love and respect and he does the same for me. We are partners BECAUSE we serve each other. It doesn’t mean that either of us is better than the other. We fill each other’s love tank by serving one another.
    Virjinia Harp recently posted…Why You Should Attend A Fitness Festival!My Profile

    • Simply My Bella Vida | 18th Oct 17

      I was the same way! Hearing I needed to “serve” my husband instantly gave me bad feelings. But now I understand what serving one another truly means!

  5. Amanda | 18th Oct 17

    I noticed that you stayed away from that divisive word “submit” which can sound very old school! But how can I say I’m a true follower of Jesus unless I serve the people around me, just as He did? Loving through action is godly!

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