I know. Sounds a little harsh, right? Let me explain.
I have always heard about the instant bond or connection that happens between a new mom and her baby the second the baby is born.
I heard this “natural bond” is especially true if you are adopted like I am.
Well, I am here to tell you that this “connection” isn’t always the case for every new mom.
I think a lot of moms feel ashamed if they don’t have an instant connection with their newborn baby.
And for this same reason, they keep quiet.
I am not saying every mom shares my experience- there might be some moms that do feel that instant connection, but for me it was gradual.
I believe it depends on your personality, hormones, and the baby.
My son was a terrible screamer and napper from day 1.
It could also be a first time mom thing because there is a lot of uncertainty and fear of the unknown.
It could also depend on whether you had a natural vs. c-section birth.
Honestly, I could speculate all day long but the truth is no one really knows why this happens.
Looking back on everything, I am not sure my experience can be attributed to my breastfeeding struggles, sleep deprivation, or the crazy hormonal imbalances new moms go through.
Some experience this harder than others, and I am pretty sure I got the worst of it.
No matter what the reason is, it is normal and ok!
I am here to tell you that it is ok if you don’t feel that “instant bond” that second your baby is born, that doesn’t make you heartless or a bad mom.
I personally feel like I will be more prepared the next time around.
In fact, I am very excited and already in love with baby number 2 who is not even baking yet 😉
Now I know the struggle. I know the sleep-deprivation. I experienced the hormones and breastfeeding trials. Now I know what that love feels like.
Not only have I experienced the hard moments of the early days of motherhood, but I have the memories and joys of my sons first smile and first laugh. Or the joy I felt when he rolled over for the first time or took his first steps.
I don’t know how it’s possible, but I do fall in love with him deeper every single day.
The next time they hand me my baby, I know these feelings of happiness and joy. It doesn’t have to be instantaneous, but it does grow!
If you are a mom to a newborn and you aren’t feeling that immediate connection, please, don’t worry!
That connection does grow and that love will grow until you are like me where your heart could just explode out of the love you have for your child.
So, to that mom feeling like the worst mom ever because you aren’t feeling super connected to your newborn.
You are not alone. It is ok.
Be patient with yourself and understand that your body just went through and accomplished one of the biggest and most amazing things in life.
Give yourself a break and love yourself.
That connection will come.